A tour comes into an exhibit hall that includes the original Gotham City charter, which is vacuum-sealed in a burglarproof case. However, on the tour are Egghead, his two henchmen (Benedict and Foo Young), and his moll (Miss Bacon), who proceed to put the lie to the “burglarproof” part by gassing the room and stealing the charter by using an egg-splosive.
Cut to GCPD HQ, where Gordon and O’Hara conclude, as ever, that only one person can aid them in their time of need.
Cut to Wayne Manor, where we get a hint as to why Egghead targeted the charter in particular. Gotham City (Bruce explains to Dick) was founded by three families who landed on Gotham Rock: the Savages, the Tylers, and the Waynes. They leased the land from the Mohican Indians for the cost of nine raccoon pelts. According to the very same charter that Egghead stole, the lease must be renewed every five years, and tonight is the night when a member of each family—on this occasion, Bruce, Pete Savage, and Tim Tyler—gives the leader of the Mohican tribe, Chief Screaming Chicken (yes, really) three raccoon pelts each. Apparently Bruce acquired his pelts by buying the raccoon coat off a 1920s musician who’d fallen on hard times, and cutting it into thirds. Because that’s totally in the spirit of the original charter.
Alfred interrupts this history lesson with the news that the bat-phone has buzzed, and Bruce and Dick make their feeble excuses to Aunt Harriet and head to the phone, to the batpoles, to the Batmobile, and to police HQ.
Batman, Robin, Gordon, and O’Hara try to figure out why Egghead stole the charter. O’Hara also comments that Egghead is the smartest man in the world, only amending it with “present company excepted, of course” when Robin tartly says, “second-smartest.” (For his part, Batman says nothing, save that Egghead is certainly the smartest villain they’ve ever faced.)
Robin hypothesizes that Egghead wants to start a war between Gotham City and the Mohican tribe—but it turns out that Screaming Chicken is the last of the Mohicans. Wouldn’t be much of a war, really.
Batman hypothesizes that it might have to do with the raccoon ceremony. Gordon asks where the three millionaires are. Peter Savage is in his Gotham home, though he spends most of his time in Paris. Tim Tyler is probably watching the baseball team he owns, while they speculate that Bruce Wayne is probably off doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward. (Phrasing!)
Cut to Egghead’s lair at the Ghoti Oeufs Caviar Company, where Egghead egg-splains himself. He’s looking for a loophole in the charter that he can egg-sploit to gain control of the city—and he finds one! If the nine raccoon pelts aren’t paid on time by the scions of the Wayne, Tyler, and Savage families, control of the city reverts to the Mohicans and/or their legal representative.
Batman and Robin head to Screaming Chicken’s Roadside Teepee, which sells blankets, souvenirs, tacos, pizza, and blintzes. Batman provides the traditional Mohican greeting, which starts with the recitation of questions (“How?” “What?” “When?” “Where?”), then continues to turning around twice, hitting each other on the left shoulder, and a pinky swear. Batman wishes to be sure that Screaming Chicken will be at the ceremony that evening, and despite the fact that the price is a bit too low—he thinks it should at least twelve pelts, since the cost of living has gone up—Screaming Chicken says he’ll be there.
After they leave, we find out that Egghead has gotten there first. He has secured an agreement with Screaming Chicken for the lease on Gotham City—but only if the three millionaires fail to pay the nine raccoon pelts. Egghead’s deal is for $100 a month, plus all the eggs he can eat. Egghead even throws in the import/egg-sport concession on all genuine American Indian blankets made in Japan.
Batman checks the Batfile for any new egg-related companies, but there aren’t any since the last time they tussled with Egghead. But then Batman hits on the idea of a fish-egg company, and they find Ghoti Oeufs, which opened recently. “Oeuf” is French for “egg,” but Robin doesn’t get “ghoti.” Batman explains that “gh” is “f” (as in tough or rough), “o” is “i” (as in women), and “ti” is “sh” (as in ration or nation). Robin is suitably impressed, which puts him in a class by himself.
They head to Ghoti Oeufs to find that Screaming Chicken is working alongside Egghead, Bendict, Foo Young, and Miss Bacon. Fisticuffs ensue (during which both Vincent Price and Burt Ward’s stunt doubles are egg-stremely obvious). Egghead manages to get off an egg grenade filled with laughing gas, which covers their escape. Batman and Robin manage to counteract the laughing gas with a sad pill, then head back to the Batcave. Since Screaming Chicken is now working with Egghead, Batman figures that Egghead’s scheme involves breaking the lease to Gotham.
He calls Pete Savage and Tim Tyler, who both reassure Bruce that they’ll be at the ceremony—but both are under threat from Egghead and his thugs. Bruce and Dick, meanwhile, dress up in tuxedos and take their three pelts to the ceremony. The limo picks them up, along with Tyler and Savage—but Egghead is driving the limo, and he gasses the four occupants.
They wake up in Egghead’s lair. Egghead has deduced that Batman must be a millionaire, as crime-fighting is a time-consuming and egg-spensive hobby. The three present are the only ones who fit the bill, aside from a few aging rock stars (cough) in terms of age but Tyler is left-handed, and Savage speaks with a French accent. (You would think there’s also the fact that Savage spends most of his time in Paris, but whatever.) So he figures it must be Bruce. To prove it, he’s put Bruce in a thought transferer which removes all thoughts from one person’s brain into another’s. It leaves the victim a vegetable—so even if Egghead is wrong, Bruce will be a mindless fop.
HOW DIABOLICAL! HOW INHUMAN! HOW EGGSCRUCIATING!!
WILL THE WORLD'S GREATEST CRIMINAL MIND EGGSTRACT THE TRUE IDENTITY OF BATMAN??
THE EGGSPLANATION TO THESE AND OTHER ELECTRIC QUESTIONS TOMORROW!!
SAME BAT-TIME, SAME BAT-CHANNEL!!!
Behind the scenes
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